Archive for April, 2011

Hawaii? Heck Yes!

Hawaii? Really? Seriously? You cannot be serious? That’s right, we received our orders and for the next three years I will be living in Oahu Hawaii! yessssssssssssss! now the problem is convincing my ex to let me take my baby girl with me, since apparently he has made it his personal goal to ignore his child but pretend she means something when something I want to do comes up. You know how it goes… the ex that makes it a goal to ruin your life? Yeah I have one of those. Good thing I drew out paperwork before I left South Dakota… I’m going to Hawaii, going to Hawaii, going to Hawaiiiiiiii! Yes! I’ve never been so excited yet so upset at the same time before. Excited for a new life in a beautiful area, full of palm trees and the ocean every where I look, a sunny place where I might run into *ahem* Leeland from Dog the Bounty Hunter. To live in a historical naval base, one with true history, and so much to see and do. The upsetting factor, I just made a couple friends, with kids that are friends with my own that I will have to say goodbye to. Being farther away from my family and friends back home, and moving to a place that I’ve never been to can be extremely scary. I do have a couple friends, Air Force and Army that are stationed on the island, so that’s a little reassuring.  But, then again I’m moving to one of the top 5 vacation destinations. 🙂 ohhhh soooo happy! I have come to the realization that not being with my husband, or being able to talk to him is slightly upsetting. I do not know when he will be home. My daughter keeps asking where he is, and it’s hard to tell her every day that “daddy’s at work, but he says he loves you”. Not knowing where he is kills me. I can only imagine what a deployment would be like. I’m sure 10 times worse than the last time. It really does hurt to love someone so much…

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Life of the Navy Wife

My life. Ugh. End of story. It’s so stressful. I was married previously to a jerk who was in the Army, he was stationed in Germany and I was stuck behind in South Dakota, alone and pregnant, but I did fine. I believe it was the thought that I had done everything else in my life for so long all alone, and the fact that I knew he was truly nothing to me. He treated me like the scum under his boot, and caused me to go into premature labor. This second time around to being married in the military is so much harder. I married my best friend, a person I’ve known and cared about for years and am now stuck in a town 10x as big as Rapid City, and alone with only him as a friend. I’ve made 2 friends, and both are leaving to go to another post, and I’m afraid to make any new friends since we will be stationed some place new in November. It’s a hard concept to wrap my head around, that all friends I make I will sooner or later have to say goodbye. I left for my daughter’s visitation 2 weeks before he had to leave, he left 3 days before we arrived back home, and been gone ever since. The first time I spoke to him was last night via Facebook but for a very short period of time. They have been gone a total of 3 weeks now. My daughter is driving me crazy, and all I do is sit and think. Think about if he is okay, eating well, sleeping alright. Think about the next deployment and how much harder it is going to be. I was with him on his second deployment, and the third is coming up soon. There is that rumor he wont be going, will be staying behind to help things out here since we are leaving shortly after the deployment begins but it’s not for sure… My life has completely changed since we had eloped. I have no job and stay at home all day, when all I know is work. I’ve never been so bored of life.

I remember the last deployment I was driving to Sioux Falls to visit some friends, and I received a phone call that said I needed to pull over. They told me that there was a possibility that something happened to him, his dad had hung a flag in his yard and some officers went to his door. I panicked. It was a short lived rumor once I reached his brother. But it was one of the most horrifying moments in my life. It’s amazing what a simple rumor that friends will start will cause, the heartbreak I felt and the relief that washed over me when the rumor was dis banned.  It really does suck. It hurts and it’s terrifying. But I am a strong person, and I need to keep my mind open to possibilities of where our new life will take us.

This life is one of many things. Fantastic yet horrible, uplifting but so depressing, reassuring yet terrifying. It’s something that all military spouses must go through. The thought that their loved one may not come home, or may be leaving for long periods of time missing vital times in their child’s life. Or that their soldier would come home with such horrible post traumatic stress disorder that they must be hospitalized. Most people don’t realize that we the spouses go through a lot with our loved ones, that we are soldiers in our own way as well. We have to be strong and positive for our loved ones and be there whenever we are needed. We are bombarded with protesters, as if we have the right to say “no” to war, no to helping other countries regain their lives. Without our soldiers there may be no peace or rights for us as the people in this country. If soldiers had a choice, I can almost promise you they are there to help, and if given the opportunity to come back to their loved ones, they would do it in a heart beat.

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Still don’t know what that Dino was Thinkin’….

I need an outlet. A way to express myself to people I don’t know, or those who may care, or then again don’t. This will be my first “blog” I suppose. Starting it while my husband is away at training as a way to escape my screaming child of doom. I need a BREAK. I need an escape. Lets see how this goes. I want to write about my day, what I learn, I want to vent, write poetry, short stories, and information that I write for a friends blog (that I personally think is rather good). I’m going to school and am switching my degree to a History or Art History major… Oh how I love the history of things. I love to research history, learn about what “really” happened… the mystery that decades or centuries later was never solved. Maybe I should be a detective, I can totally rock a pipe… or maybe just a super hero… although I doubt I’d look good in spandex, but that cape is so tempting….

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