Toddler Torture Tactics


Oh. My. God. New torture tactic. Deny toddler of juice. Seriously. It’s hilarious yet frustrating. I’ve never seen her spaz out over something so … random. I mean. it’s juice… maybe juice is secretly the “LIQUID OF THE GODS” to children.  So second post for the day, and I’ll be done. Just wanted to update on torture ideas for kids, so I shall list the things my child feels are torture.

1.) Deny the liquid of the Gods – As they lose their energetic power, and break down into fits, eventually falling asleep where they are freaking out at.
2.) Deny candy – Will lose all self control, and tear house apart from temper tantrum, shoot flames from ears and nose.
3.) Time Out – Ohhh the dreaded time out… SCREAM SCREAM SCREAM oh it’s over? Lets play!
4.) No Mac and Cheese, Dear god the world will end if there is no mac and cheese….
5.) No going outside (bad weather) – BUT MOOOOOOOOOOOOOM!?!?! I DON’T CARE IF I DIE FROM PNEUMONIA! I WANT TO GO OUTSIDE!
6.) No snack (dinner almost ready) – BUT I WANT A SNACK! NOWWWWW! (demon exits child’s body)
7.) Bed time – BLARRGHHHHHHHHHHHHHH  laser beams of death shoot from eyes.
8.) Getting up early – whine, whine, whine, whine, Poptarts? ok, Whine.
9.) Denial of Toy at store/ Time out at store – *sniffle* DEATHSCREAMOFDOOM*sniffle*
and finally…..
10.) The clean your room tactic – whine, pout, pick up one toy, DONE! (tell to finish cleaning room) Pout, wander around room in circles, pout, “I have to use the bathroom” *goes to bathroom*, Pout, “I’m so thirsty!” *takes drink*, Pout, picks up two toys, DONE! 6 hours later, bedroom is “clean”… because I clean it. *sigh*

Oy. Children are Sooooooooooooooo fun.

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